Bring it, X-Men 3! (Please.)

So I LOVED the first X-Men film, and I'm one of those tormented neurotic people who gets all I.B.S. when a new incarnation of something I already love appears on the horizon, meaning I spent the entire month prior to the X2 release torturing my colon with my fear that it would suck. But then, for the love of god and two-ply, it didn't suck at all! In fact, it ruled! Crisis averted.

But oh, have mercy, here comes X-Men 3. Just typing that made me colicky, like someone twisted a bread tie around a segment of intestine, because this time I have a legitimate reason to worry: no Brian Singer. I'm sure you know by now that Singer, the ditching, traitorous bastard, left the X-Men franchise to make a new Superman movie, condemning me and my excretory system to months of twitchy hell. Curse you, Brian Singer. Curse you, sir.

Sure, the trailer (linked above) looks hot. I thought the trailer for Hidalgo looked hot, too, though, and note how that turned out. You can't judge a movie by its trailer, is all I'm saying, and any moron should be able to crank out a couple of minutes of decent footage, especially with a cast of ridiculously hot people in badass costumes. Too easy.

You know, here I go again, but X-Men is another film I present sometimes in classes to exemplify common archetypes. I think it's important to show young people that all of this crap is applicable to the world they know; it's not just an Old Thing. Regarding the mutants, for example, we discuss the gendered nature of certain mutations, taking into account the fact that mutants tend to exhibit their first "symptoms" at puberty, the same time at which they first exhibit secondary sex characteristics. Some of the more intriguing ideas that have been picked at during these sessions:

Rogue = castrating female/femme fatale. Her first scene involves nearly killing her boyfriend by kissing him, literally draining his life force with her desire. It doesn't matter that it's unintentional--Sister's a maneater all the same.

Logan/Wolverine = a Jungian persona with a serious shadow problem. He has an animal side, and a lot of the time he's content to let himself be that animal. Xavier is trying to help him by making him more comfortable with his humanity. This is what's so compelling about the bed scene between Rogue and Logan, by the way--watch it again with all this in mind and you'll see a girl we know to be virginal (underscored by her demure flowy "lead me to the sacrifice" nightgown) leaning over a violent shirtless man who's thrashing around in bed, who suddenly lurches up and penetrates her with a primal roar. We see blood seep into her virgin's gown. Then she almost kills him by draining his healing power to save herself.

Storm = archetypal association of the feminine with the natural and elements of nature (Mother Nature, Earth Mother, etc.)

Jean = association of the feminine with nurturing (doctoring) and intuition/empathy (telepathy)

Cyclops = another penetrative power

Mystique = another mankiller, for sure, with her la belle dame sans merci powers of deception and her slinky seductiveness

Xavier = gender neutral? He's powerful, yes, but he's also emasculated by paralysis. Interesting. . .

Magneto = awesome, first and foremost, and elemental, which denotes a manlier association with nature, I think

Anyway. Please don't let X-Men 3 suck. There aren't enough antacids in the world.