Friday, June 23, 2006

OK, maybe summer isn't going as well as I thought...

I already told this story to several people, but I decided it was compelling enough to post here. Besides, I already wrote it as an email so, you know, cut/paste:

One of my neighbors has a grandson my son's age who comes over to play when he's in town. He and his 6-year-old sister and their mom are staying with the grandparents indefinitely right now because the parents are divorcing and husband/father is a lunatic. The boy will show up at my house at 10 in the morning and hang around all day if I let him, sometimes bringing the girl, who is young enough to make me more nervous about leaving her unsupervised than when it's just the older boys, which means I end up playing babysitter when I have plenty of other things I would rather be doing. Still, it's my son's summer too, and he loves having them here, so I deal.

A few nights ago D. (the boy) was here and my neighbor called and asked if I could keep him in the house until she came for him because his dad was outside her house raising hell and the police were coming. Lovely.

The next day both kids were in my pool with my son and suddenly this dude is at my back fence hollering for the kids, who immediately start running around crying. The mom appears behind him saying kids don't come while he's yelling at them to come here right now; meanwhile I'm between him and the kids, the kids are wailing, the mom is begging. So the bastard jumps my fence and grabs the little girl right in front of me. I picked up a towel and tried to wrap it around her to slow him down and said calmly "Let me at least get her dried off" and he got all LET GO OF MY CHILD. I tried again to just say why don't we dry her off--I mean she's dripping wet in her little swimsuit and scared to death--but he really got threatening so I let go and took the two boys in and called 911.

My son was completely freaking out--he thought the guy was going to hurt me--and D. was cowering in my living room, also dripping, of course. Dad put the girl in his car (in my driveway, the fucking bastard) and I heard the mom scream "I'll get him I'll get him!" and him screech off in the car with the girl. I had the boys somewhat calmed down and wrapped up by then (with the 911 person still on the phone) so I went and gave the phone to the weeping mother and a few minutes later Tarzan came back around the corner and let the screaming girl back out. I could see dickface in his car crying and carrying on, then mom let D. go out and talk to him briefly and I guess he left before the cops got there.

It happened so fast I didn't have much time to think about anything, but once I did I was so furious I could've killed him myself. Come in MY yard and scare the shit out of MY child? The sonofabitch. I talked to the poor mom for a long time the next morning (yesterday) and she confirmed my analysis that he's putting on a big show because he's trying to intimidate her. This has nothing to do with the kids, in whom he's shown next to no interest except when she's tried to leave him (this isn't the first time). She told me, wearily, that they're in the "please baby I just want to be a family again I'll change it'll all be better" phase right now, though she expects another round of histrionics in two weeks when he's finally served with divorce papers.

I was out front pulling weeds last night and some dude walked from down the street all "howdy neighbor" and asked if we'd be interested in feeding his dog while they go out of town this weekend. Sorry, man, but I'm having myself a birthday party this weekend and honestly? I feel like I've filled my good neighbor quota for this year.

I hate people sometimes. I really, really do.


At 1:18 PM, Blogger CrankyProf said...


I'm serious, Shell. Whether you like it or not, you've been dragged into this domestic drama....and now King Buttmunch knows he can find his kids at YOUR place. This means he's likely to turn up on your doorstep or in your yard again.

He sounds like he might get violent, too.

You'll also be doing your neighbor a favor, because this paper trail will help her get free of the jerk.

Be safe, take care of you and yours -- file the report.

At 1:22 PM, Blogger Tense Teacher said...


I have to agree with CrankyProf. Take care of yourself and your little man first and foremost.

At 1:50 PM, Blogger NinjaMama said...

File the report.

Every action you take from here on out will teach your son how to handle things like this (I speak from experience); these situations will rear thier ugly heads again some time in his life.
He will always remember how you handled it (we can't protect them from everything). If you file a report or take some action he will see that you will take care of it no matter how bad it gets and see that you turn to the authorities and that is what he will do if he gets into trouble some day.

When he lies in bed he won't be wondering what you will do if it happens again, he will know.

Just an opinion. Didn't mean to get preachy.

At 5:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd go Kentucky on his ass.

If I was a woman, I guess I'd file a report and make sure to have a handgun, pepper spray, or whatever you're comfortable with handy. Remember one thing: when rednecks feel threatened, they don't act alone. It's like when Menelaus had to get Agamemnon to take care of his shit. Remember that guy I moved in next to in Denton? I spent a year with my 30-30 loaded and watched out for that damn drunk drugged ass Mexican and all his brothers and cousins and shit. They drove by all the time AFTER his wife finally filed a restraining order. I think it was like a year before he finally went to jail. I should have shot his fucking chickens as soon as I moved onto Denton St.


At 5:45 PM, Blogger Shell said...

Oh, Rich. I do miss you so.

I know you guys are right. The thing is, I'm not sure I really have a case. The guy's kids were in my yard, and until all the papers are filed and guidelines set by a court, etc., he actually has as much right to them as she does. I certainly had no right to try to keep them from him, not legally anyway.

Is summer over? Can I go back to work now, where it's relaxing?

At 7:06 PM, Blogger CrankyProf said...

Aw, Hell...I was trying to be all adult and responsible. If we're allowed to go ghetto redneck, I recommend George Hayduke books, firearms and home-made explosives.

Shit, Shell. I know a couple of guys who will handle the problem for a six-pack of Milwaukee's Beest, or PBR.

At 7:59 PM, Blogger Shell said...

Honestly, my only real concern at this point is who will play me in the Lifetime Original Movie.

At 2:18 AM, Anonymous Lu said...

Total agreement: at least try to file, for the sake of the paper trail. Even if it's just a complaint. "Disturbing the peace", if nothing else. (Remind me to tell you about my bona fide stalker some time, and just how long it takes the police to move if there isn't anything previous on the record.) He knows where you live, and has the "intimidate" mindset. Frack.

Lifetime? Heh. Go for the "Cops" cameo!

At 11:50 AM, Anonymous Bug said...

Isn't helping others fun!?!? *shakes head* Some people are just too much, but I do agree with the others about filing a poliece report. That way if he gets anymore wonky ideas about coming into your yard again near your kiddo then you have all the evidence you need to slam a restraining order on his butt. Ooooorrr...set boobie traps in your front yard, much more entertaining and less expensive than the cost of gas to get to the courthouse ;o)

At 9:27 PM, Blogger NuggetMaven said...

Goodness. I agree with Cranky. He trespassed on your property and was menacing to everyone, you and your kids included...

File the report!

At 9:28 PM, Blogger NuggetMaven said...

PS: Shell... how about Kristin Davis for that Lifetime special?? She's not doing much these days.

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Gary said...

I agree file a report. The sad thing is that this all occurred because she didn't leave him a long time ago. I wouldn't be totally surprised if she drops the divorce at some point. Sadly, some women are gluttons for punishment.

At 2:45 PM, Blogger NuggetMaven said...

Still waiting on pins & needles for an update regarding this post... any new developments?

At 4:47 PM, Blogger Shell said...

All quiet since then. From what I gather the boy has been visiting dear old dad regularly without incident. I think he's trying to play nice thinking she might back off of the divorce and realize he's her one and only again. Fat chance.

I certainly haven't seen him again, though my husband made a point of showing me the baseball bat he positioned outside the door.


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