Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Disturbing and weird

Title link will take you to a section of the website of a mega-church in the OKC area. It's like that website where people send in postcards with secrets on them, but much weirder. Some of the submissions are quite funny, but all too many seethe with Arthur Dimsdale levels of self flagellation. It's very unsettling to read entry after entry of desperately self-hating homosexuals or (more amusingly, I confess) evil masturbators, all seeking repair from the very people who convinced them they were broken in the first place. (This is the place that saved my son on guest night by the way. Yes, I still abhor them.)

Enter at your own risk--they provide the following disclaimer:

Warning: Some of the confessions below should be considered content appropriate for adults only and should not be viewed by those under 18 years of age.

Not something you see every day on the fundamentalist church website, but OK. A sampling, errors and typos the authors':

Made Me Laugh

Sometimes when I see other couples, I picture them having sex in my mind. I have no idea why.

Dude, me either. Is it like how people tell you to imagine your dissertation committee in their underwear?

I have had sex with a married couple. And sometimes I think thats not a bad thing. I have been invited to do it again with a diferent couple.

Wow. Did you put out a flyer or something?

I have been born again as a Christian for over twenty five years just out of high school. I had a serious gas poisoning accident 21 years ago today (7/31) that affected me physically, mentally and emotionally as well as spirtually. I regained my sprituality and have once again become grounded in the Lord, walking in the Spirit with a great joy, however, as a result of a few personality changes and women/couples I dated during the aftermath of the accident, I got involved in the 'chic' bisexual scene to some degree. I am now married for many years with children yet still bisexually inclined, like according to recent statistics, many, many other married men. I know that doesn't justify my feelings and I do prefer women, specifically my wife (yes, she knew/knows), yet I have bi desires... it's been two decades and the curiosities turned to desires which have been partially fulfilled. I have been honest with these feelings with her and even a few friends. with mixed acceptance.

OK, overall I find this entry sad, but the connection between bisexuality and a "serious gas poisoning accident" made me spit Diet Coke. Like, as opposed to a minor gas poisoning accident? Or an on-purpose gas poisoning? And, sorry, but what exactly lubricates (if you'll excuse the term) the slippery slope from gas poisoning to man love?

I like to masturbate. I would never cheat on my wife physically. When I masturbate I still think of her. She hates sex and I hate masturbation. God help me.

How about "god help her"?

Made Me Go WTF

Just over 2 years ago I had an affair on my wife. I tried to hide it but God had other plans. God allowed it out in the open! I have been in the ministry for a long time an thought this would never happen to me but just when I thought I was bigger than life God brought me down. Thank God for his Grace and my wife's love for God and me. It has been hard but God has restored our marriage and it is stronger than ever. Never give satan a inch because that is all he needs to destroy you.

I John 4:4

Sounds like you gave Satan more than an inch, homeslice. (Thank you! I'll be here all week!) Also, nice deferral of blame.

Made Me Cry

I do not believe in sex before marriage. I believe that God has a plan. I have had sex before marriage, but made a vow that I would not do it anymore about a year ago. Since then, I have taken up masturbation, which I never did before. I also started dating someone and then slept with him, even though I know better. I think that sinning when you know better is even worse. He is a Christian and part of me is really mad at him, because he is the man and he should have been stronger. Part of me knows I was there too and I shouldn't blame him. We continue to have sex and I know it is wrong but I don't know how to be the one in the relationship that stands up and says we aren't doing this anymore. I think he should be the strong one and I get tired of always being the strong one. I am scared I will lose him if we stop having sex and I know in my heart that if I lose him over something like this, he wasn't worth it in the first place. Can God forgive me now? Even though I did something I knew I shouldn't?

Oy, sister. Too many problems to address here.

I have always struggled with sexual behaviors. I started having sexual thoughts in junior high school, and of course they continue today even thought I am in my twenties. Don't get me wrong, I love women. I am married and love my wife dearly. However, many of these thoughts I have are homosexual in nature. I find myself "stumbling" across gay porn on the internet and masturbating to it. Not in a way that I desire to have sex or a relationship with one of those men, but simply in a physical way. Maybe wishing I could look like one of them or something. I don't know. This has gone on for many years. Way too long as a matter of fact.

The Bible says to flee from sexual sin, and that the marriage bed is undefiled. I desperately want that. This has gone on way too long, and haunts me all the time. I want a healthy marriage, and a healthy sex life with my wife.

First, I have to acknowledge the hilarity of "I started having sexual thoughts in junior high school." NO. Really? You are SO UNIQUE.

I sobered up quickly after I stopped giggling over that line, though. This post is just very, very sad.

4 Comments:

At 1:53 PM, Anonymous Lu said...

Serious gas-poisoning accidents: some men become superheroes. Some turn to man love. Some...do both.

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger Shell said...

HA!!

Now I really want to see his hero outfit.

 
At 9:27 AM, Blogger CrankyProf said...

Actually, ALL of those posts are pretty damn sad. I can't imagine being wired so tightly, or so deeply paranoid about my own body and sexuality.

Oh, and those mega-churches creep me right the fuck out.

 
At 9:26 PM, Blogger Damion said...

This is just so funny and sad. I probably know some of those people, and it saddens me that they wreck themselves on the sagacious advice of the ancients, for whom "the wheelbarrow would've been emergent technology" and anti-bacterial drugs an effing miracle...

 

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