Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Innocence lost

Oh, if only I could've been spared THIS.

You can't un-know, though; once you're evicted from the garden you can never go back to blissful ignorance. Unless of course you take the Pi route and use a power drill. One day you'll see me with a clumsy bandage around my head and a dopey grin, and on that day you will know that I have discovered how to drill the images of Probst's proboscis and Seacrest's tongue out of my brain like rotting teeth.

Seriously--where the HELL is he in that photo? A swinger's bar in 1975?


At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Werner Krauthammer, Ph.X. said...

die Idioten! I'm surrounded by incompetence! And at such a time of crisis! It's always Dieter and Gunther. Why I promoted them from being the stall muckers of our augustan stables into accountants is beyond me. Between Gunther's continual misspellings and Dieter's propensity for transposing letters, it is no wonder why our creditors are always impatient--the checks are perpetually circulating in the mail! And that Gunther Grabhorne. He thinks he can speak for me. And when he's not fulfilling this fantasy, he's blowing his own horn. Believe me, there's much low-born humor circulating in these hallowed and sanctified halls about Gunther's desire to grab his own horn and blow it.

As you may have gathered I will soon return to the Institute and my intensely complicated, immensely brillant research. How I have missed the morning routine there, the members of the staff standing attentively in the brisk mountain air as Helga whips them into shape, a ritual followed by a community Tobogan, an event often punctuated by bursts of inspired yoddeling echoing through the mountains.

Rest assured, Frau Shelley, after scouring your credit reports, the Institute has determined that you are a prime candidate for in-depth and extensive Probst Disorder Treatment. And not a moment too soon! On the basis of this, your most recent posting, it's my expert opinion that you may be at risk for the unique form of Probst-related Senility, I have coincidently only recently identified and termed, Acute Probst Induced Premature Penility with the added complication of Seagateion Sychosis. Because my current assets have been so unjustly seized, you should route all credit card payments through the address to follow.

At 10:39 AM, Blogger Shell said...

Hee. I probably just need to stay of the godforsaken internet and finish the stack of books I got for Christmas.


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